Mustache

It's true people always talk about wanting something they can never have. How the grass is always greener on the other side... and that other side, is where people can grow mustaches. Thanks to thousands of years of asian heritage, melted down into my face that can muster as much stubble as a 12 year old burn victim. Think about how much instant respect people get from having one. I mean, you think about Teddy Roosevelt, Don Mattingly... Tom Selleck. They're all standing in that greener grass, right?

So, my ex girlfriend, who was a very sensitive, nourishing type, would constantly hound me to have the deepest, most intimate conversations so she would feel like we were connecting between episodes of Grey's. However, right before we actually broke it off, she found me sighing one day and she swoops down next to me on the couch, asking "What's wrong? I can sense your carrying around some real burdening emotions." And i tried to play the tough guy role and just give some bs answer about the snack machine eating my dollar. But not buying it, she went in for the embracing, both-hands-on-my-cheeks-followed-by-the-eye-to-eye-stare, "You can tell me, baby." So, being honest, I spilled it to her... I feel like people don't respect me because I can't grow a mustache. She countered me with "Ohhhh... well, you don't need facial hair to command the room or have people respect you." Of course she was right, but I told her "I just wish people would look at me the way they look at your mother."